We Are In-Network With Insurance Providers in CA, PA & NY!
BOOK HERE FOR AN INSURANCE CHECK
We Are In-Network With Insurance Providers in CA, PA & NY!
BOOK HERE FOR AN INSURANCE CHECK

February 20, 2024

February 1, 2023

When Doctors Medically Gaslight Moms: How to Advocate for Yourself When You Feel Dismissed

E:
158
with
Dr. Sarah Fraser
Family Physician

We have exciting news–Happy as a Mother has evolved into The Momwell Podcast! The podcast is staying the same–same great experts, same mission, same format. But we’re now operating under a new name–Momwell.

What You'll Learn

  • What It Means to “Medically Gaslight”
  • The History of Women Being Medically Gaslit
  • Why Women Are Medically Gaslit
  • Signs You Are Being Medically Gaslit
  • Mental Health, Anxiety, and Medical Gaslighting
  • Why Many Moms Have Distrust in the Medical System
  • Tips for Advocating for Yourself
  • How to Overcome Fear When Talking to Your Doctor

If you’ve ever felt like a medical provider dismissed or minimized your concerns, you are not alone. There is a long history of doctors who medically gaslight women, failing to take them seriously and leaving them questioning their own judgment. 

Today, I’m joined by family physician Dr. Sarah Fraser to discuss the medical gaslighting of moms and what you can do to advocate for yourself. 

“You Just Need to Rest”

I often have clients express frustration, overwhelm, and even fear when it comes to the medical system. Some of them have experienced trauma and developed distrust in doctors. Others have repeatedly had their concerns dismissed or invalidated. 

I myself experienced this when I was battling postpartum depression. A doctor told me that I was just overwhelmed and needed rest. I had to push to be taken seriously. 

When doctors fail to listen to moms, insisting that their symptoms are “all in their head” or “just part of being a mom,” they are taking place in a longstanding system of patriarchal medical structures that keep women on the back burner. 

That’s a big part of why Happy as a Mother has evolved into Momwell—a platform designed to put moms back on the priority list. I have seen too many moms left without care, and it’s time for a change. 

I have seen too many moms left without care, and it’s time for a change.

When I began researching medical gaslighting, I came across Dr. Sarah’s work. I read her paper, The Toxic Power Dynamics of Gaslighting in Medicine, and I was floored. As a doctor, she experienced medical gaslighting from a colleague who made her question her own judgment and expertise. When advocating for a patient, a male specialist implied that Dr. Sarah was wasting his time, scolding her for interrupting him and making her doubt her own competence. This experience led her to begin bringing awareness to the topic. 

I couldn’t wait to discuss medical gaslighting with Dr. Sarah and dive into how moms can advocate for themselves in a system that doesn’t prioritize them. 

What It Means to “Medically Gaslight”

“Gaslight” was the word of the year in 2022. But many people don’t understand exactly what it means. The word comes from the 1944 film Gaslight. In the movie, a man tweaks the gas lamps in his home, then denies that the lights are getting dimmer—as a result of his manipulation, his wife begins to question her own sanity. 

Medical gaslighting occurs when providers dismiss symptoms, making patients question their own judgment or wonder if they are imagining or exaggerating their symptoms. This can happen to everyone, but it is especially prevalent with women and moms. 

When doctors medically gaslight patients, they might stereotype them, minimize their concerns, or even insinuate that they are making their symptoms up. 

Medical gaslighting is real, and it has tangible consequences. This dismissal of symptoms serves as a barrier to treatment—for example, studies have shown that female patients visiting the emergency room with severe stomach pain wait 33% longer than men with the same symptom. 

Women are falling through the cracks due to biases and stereotypes that are still present in medicine today.

The History of Women Being Medically Gaslit

While we might want to think of doctors who medically gaslight women as the problem, the real issue runs deeper than that. Dr. Sarah believes that most of the time, medical gaslighting isn’t intentional—it’s subconscious, fueled by internal biases. 

There is a long history of systemic misogyny in the medical field. Hippocrates, known as the father of medicine, believed that a woman’s uterus was floating around in the stomach, largely responsible for a wide range of medical problems. 

This belief led to women being diagnosed with “hysteria” as a catchall for a variety of invisible symptoms. Doctors would even recommend removing the ovaries of healthy young women to address the issues. 

While we have made some strides, many of the biases toward women remain. 

While we have made some strides, many of the biases toward women remain. We might not call it “hysteria” or recommend ovary-removal as the first line of defense anymore, but doctors are still more likely to think women are imagining their symptoms or to chalk everything up to hormones. 

It can feel disheartening to think about the history of women being treated this way—especially when we consider that these treatments persisted until relatively recently in history. 

But the more we learn about the ways doctors medically gaslight and the systemic biases toward women, the more we can be empowered to do something about it. 

Why Women Are Medically Gaslit

In addition to the history of medicine being practiced by and focused on men, there are other reasons why women are more likely to suffer from medical gaslighting. 

Dr. Sarah said that part of the problem is that many medical issues are centered around the female reproductive systems, such as endometriosis or PCOS, and are still underresearched and misunderstood. These diseases are often the ones most vulnerable to gaslighting, because they require a lot of time, attention, testing, and investigating. 

Often, the symptoms are written off as anxiety, hormonal issues, or a normal part of a menstrual cycle. 

Many of my clients fear that if they continue to push, they might be viewed as problem patients—45% of women feel that they have been labeled as “complainers.”* Dr. Sarah’s experience validates this concern—when she was in her residency she heard a doctor refer to gynecology as “whiny gyny.” The stereotypes against women are heavily engrained and continue to be perpetuated. 

45% of women feel that they have been labeled as “complainers.”

She also pointed out that doctor burnout plays a role. Post-pandemic, doctors are more burnt out and overwhelmed than ever. When they are in that state of mind, it becomes easier to slip into old biases and overlook symptoms. 

As Dr. Sarah said, it’s a challenge for doctors to listen and do all the investigating that needs to be done, especially when they are short on time and energy. 

Signs You Are Being Medically Gaslit

The hardest part of identifying whether you are being medically gaslit is that the very act leaves us doubting ourselves. We might walk away thinking that we are being dramatic or that our symptoms are just in our heads, despite the reality we are living with. After all, we have been trained to accept and respect doctors as authority figures who know best. 

Dr. Sarah said it’s important to recognize that medical gaslighting is a real thing. Then, pay attention to how you feel while talking with your doctor and after you leave an appointment. 

One key sign that you might be experiencing gaslighting is if you feel like your doctor isn’t listening to you—especially if you have gone in multiple times for the same issue. 

Other indicators might be if you catch yourself thinking, “maybe this is all in my head,” or “maybe I am not actually feeling these symptoms.” 

If you start to question your own judgment or your own reality, you might need to take a closer look at the power dynamics between you and your doctor and consider finding another provider if possible. 

Mental Health, Anxiety, and Medical Gaslighting

Many moms have experienced medical gaslighting, a lack of care for their physical and mental health concerns, or a general dismissal. There is a longstanding bias toward moms, especially those with young children, that they are anxious or hormonal. 

This can even translate into their children’s care as well. Sometimes pediatricians dismiss mom’s concerns as anxious or overly protective. 

Dr. Sarah pointed out that there are real mental health pieces that can be involved in symptoms and medical concerns, but that the answer isn’t to dismiss what moms are saying. Doctors that want to do better should work on listening and communicating. 

The answer isn’t to dismiss what moms are saying.

Not every symptom requires physical testing and interventions. But if a patient is expressing a concern, the doctor should at least take the time to truly explain why it isn’t necessary. 

As a patient, you should leave an appointment with either a game plan for the next steps or treatment, or a true understanding of why no further steps are happening. 

Mental health shouldn’t be an excuse to dismiss symptoms. Even if your symptoms are psychosomatic, you should feel relieved after an appointment—not invalidated. 

Why Many Moms Have Distrust in the Medical System

Sometimes for moms, issues with the medical system run deep, stemming from trauma or distressing experiences in pregnancy or birth. This can lead to a strong distrust—which is never a good foundation for medical treatment. 

I once had a mom client who experienced a traumatic birth that led to an infection. She eventually developed chronic pain. But when she sought help, she was dismissed and her experience was minimized. 

The combination of trauma and medical gaslighting takes a toll.

That combination of trauma and medical gaslighting took a toll on her. She began to distrust all doctors—and when she finally found a doctor who validated her, she was floored. Only once a doctor took her seriously did they discover that she had endometriosis and her uterus was fused to her C-section scar. She was suffering for longer than she needed to without treatment, largely due to medical bias. 

This experience of invalidating moms and preventing access to pain relief, treatment, or care is even more prevalent in moms of color. For example, research has shown that moms of color are more likely to report higher pain numbers after birth but are significantly less likely to receive pain medication. 

These biases toward moms, especially moms of color, are real and potentially harmful. 

Tips for Advocating for Yourself

Once you know that medical gaslighting is a real, valid experience, it’s easier to advocate for yourself and prevent it from happening. Dr. Sarah said that you should feel empowered to seek a second opinion when possible if you aren’t comfortable with the answers you are getting. 

Another tip is to come to an appointment with your main concern written down in advance. Sometimes patients will wait so long to be heard that they will bring in a long list of concerns—and while Dr. Sarah said you should bring up everything you need to discuss, it’s helpful to have a top priority to give you and the doctor time to focus on it. 

Sometimes patients will wait so long to be heard that they will bring in a long list of concerns

Dr. Sarah also recommends research. While Google shouldn’t give us a diagnosis, it’s helpful to learn everything you can about what you are going through. 

It can also be helpful to bring a trusted partner with you to your appointment—someone who can help you hear the doctor and be a silent (or vocal if needed) advocate for you. Your partner can also help you feel safe and secure as you discuss your concerns. 

Finally, setting the stage for the appointment by expressing your needs openly can help. When Dr. Quincee Gideon appeared on the podcast to discuss treatment and trauma, she recommended asking the doctor, “Can you be present with me today? I have something that I really need to talk to you about.” 

Dr. Sarah agreed that this is a powerful way to open an appointment. Doctors are only human—they have a long list of to-dos and paperwork and distractions. Opening up the conversation this way, or letting them know that you have experienced trauma or gaslighting before, is a great way to refocus them and remind them of their humanity. 

How to Overcome Fear When Talking to Your Doctor

Visiting the doctor can bring up a lot of fear and concern, especially if you are a new mom experiencing mental health struggles. Depression, anxiety, and scary intrusive thoughts can be difficult to talk about. 

Some moms might worry about the risk of discussing these concerns and being reported. Dr. Sarah pointed out that doctors who are experienced and trained in perinatal care will understand the difference between intrusive thoughts and imminent risk to a child. Thoughts do not reflect desire or intent to act—they are common and not reportable. 

It’s always within your rights to find out more about your doctor’s experience and training. 

If you have these concerns, ask your doctor about their experience with perinatal health and their understanding of intrusive thoughts. It’s always within your rights to find out more about your doctor’s experience and training. 

Navigating maternal health care—both physical and mental—can leave moms feeling overwhelmed and lost. But you deserve to be in the driver’s seat of your own care, and you deserve to be heard, validated, and seen—not dismissed and medically gaslit. 

If you’re struggling with your mental health, you deserve judgment-free care from someone who will listen! Book a FREE 15-minute therapy consult with one of our mom therapists today!

NEWSLETTER

Subscribe to our newsletter and stay updated.
Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.
Tags:

Medical gaslighting, postpartum anxiety

Stage:

Trying to Conceive, Pregnancy, Postpartum, Motherhood

Share Now:

OUR GUEST

Dr. Sarah Fraser
Family Physician

Dr. Sarah Fraser is a General Practitioner practising in Nova Scotia, Canada. She has a varied clinical practice as a medical doctor including working in an office, hospital, and at the Halifax Sexual Health Centre. She is also the author of a book of poetry, Humanity Emergency, which is a collection of poems about the need for humanity in medicine. She is the Co-Director of the Medical Humanities program at Dalhousie University, and is an Associate Editor at the medical journal Canadian Family Physician (CFP). In 2021, she published an article in the journal about the toxic power dynamics of gaslighting in medicine, the topic of today's podcast.

Erica Djossa
Erica Djossa
PMH-C | Founder of Momwell
Erica is the founder of Momwell, providing educational resources and virtual therapy for moms. She is a mom of three boys and a registered psychotherapist. Erica’s work has been featured in the Toronto Star, Breakfast Television, Scary Mommy, Medium, Pop Sugar, and Romper. how they want it.
RELATED ARTICLES
December 11, 2024
December 11, 2024
Navigating Loneliness in Motherhood: Why Moms Feel Unseen and Invisible
E:
255
with
Dr. Jody Carrington
Psychologist and Author
November 25, 2024
November 20, 2024
Making Evidence Based Birth Decisions: Understanding the Research and Your Options
E:
252
with
Dr. Rebecca Dekker
Founder and CEO of Evidence Based Birth
November 15, 2024
October 16, 2024
The Stressed-Out Mom: Why Maternal Stress Matters and How to Create Support
E:
247
with
Dr. Molly Dickens
Founder of The Maternal Stress Project
November 8, 2024
October 9, 2024
Understanding Options for Birth Control After Childbirth
E:
246
with
Dr. Fran Haydanek
DO, FACOG
November 8, 2024
September 25, 2024
The Importance of Emotional Learning as a Mom: Breaking Cycles and Building Confidence
E:
244
with
Kelly Oriard & Callie Christensen
Co-Founders of Slumberkins
October 21, 2024
September 18, 2024
The Relationship Between Menopause and Mental Health: Symptoms, Impact, and Treatment
E:
243
with
Dr. Mary Claire Haver
Author of ‘The New Menopause’
October 7, 2024
September 4, 2024
Raising Securely Attached Kids: How to Foster Connection and Build a Lasting Bond
E:
241
with
Eli Harwood
Licensed Therapist and Author
September 4, 2024
July 31, 2024
Approaching Infant Feeding with Flexibility: What We Can Learn from the Data on Combination Feeding
E:
236
with
Sarah O'Leary and Andrea Ippolito
CEO of Willow and CEO & Founder of SimpliFed
September 4, 2024
July 24, 2024
Emotional Regulation Skills for Moms: Why Motherhood Causes Dysregulation and How to Regain Some Control
E:
235
with
Dr. Amber Thornton
Clinical Psychologist and host of Know & Grow Podcast
August 6, 2024
April 24, 2024
Understanding and Implementing Responsive Parenting: How to Break the Yelling/Shame Cycle
E:
222
with
Dr. Cindy Hovington
Founder of Curious Neuron
August 6, 2024
April 17, 2024
How to Maintain Friendships (and Make Friends) as a Mom
E:
221
with
Danielle Bayard Jackson
Author
August 6, 2024
April 10, 2024
How Stressed Moms Can Cope: Understanding and Breaking Out of the Stress Cycle
E:
220
with
Amelia Nagoski
Co-author of Burnout
September 18, 2024
March 13, 2024
Understanding Menopause and Mental Health: What to Expect and When to Seek Treatment
E:
216
with
Dr. Heather Hirsch
Founder of the Menopause & Midlife Clinic
July 3, 2024
February 28, 2024
How to Embrace Career Change as a Mom: Finding Your Passion and Overcoming Guilt
E:
214
with
Jess Galica
Career and Leadership Coach, Best-Selling Author
July 3, 2024
January 31, 2024
Postpartum Rage vs. Parental Anger: How Social Expectations Create Overwhelmed Moms
E:
210
with
Dr. Ashurina Ream
Founder and CEO of Psyched Mommy, licensed clinical psychologist
July 3, 2024
January 24, 2024
You’re Not an Angry Mom: Why We Experience Mom Rage (and What We Can Learn From It)
E:
209
with
Minna Dubin
Author of Mom Rage: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood
July 3, 2024
January 17, 2024
What Causes Mommy Brain? The Role of the Invisible Load on Forgetfulness and Brain Fog
E:
208
with
Dr. Jodi Pawluski
neuroscientist, psychotherapist and author
July 3, 2024
January 10, 2024
Hormone Health and Wellness for Moms: Busting Myths and Understanding Your Cycle
E:
207
with
Dr. Jen Gunter
bestselling author, obstetrician, and gynecologist
February 20, 2024
November 29, 2023
Prioritizing the Invisible Load of Motherhood: Valuing Our Own Time and Letting Go of Mental Labor
E:
201
with
Whitney Casares
Founder and CEO of Modern Mommy Doc
February 20, 2024
November 15, 2023
Breaking Generational Trauma Cycles: Healing Our Past and Moving Forward in Motherhood
E:
199
with
Dr. Mariel Buqué
Psychologist and the author of the book Break the Cycle: A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma
February 20, 2024
November 8, 2023
Is There Such a Thing as Healthy Perfectionism? Reframing the Concept of “Perfect” in Motherhood
E:
198
with
Katherine Morgan Schafler
Psychotherapist and author
February 20, 2024
October 25, 2023
Redefining Postpartum Fitness: Adjusting Your Goals and Healing Your Body
E:
196
with
Amy Kiefer & Krystle Howald
co-founders of Expecting and Empowered
February 20, 2024
October 11, 2023
Embracing the 7 Types of Rest: Why Moms Are Exhausted and What Actually Helps
E:
194
with
Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith
Board-Certified internal medicine physician and award-winning author
February 20, 2024
October 4, 2023
Interpreting Newborn Hunger Cues and Sleepy Signs: How to Learn Your Baby’s Needs
E:
193
with
Sharon Mazel
Author of Bite-Sized Parenting: Your Baby’s First Year
February 20, 2024
September 20, 2023
Managing Mom Anxiety: Why Millennial Moms Are So Anxious and How to Overcome Our Fears
E:
191
with
Dr. Lauren Cook
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
February 20, 2024
September 13, 2023
Embracing Power as Moms: Reshaping Dynamics In and Out of the Home
E:
190
with
Claire Shipman
NYT Bestselling Author
February 20, 2024
September 6, 2023
How to Raise Confident Kids: Breaking Cycles of Negative Self-Esteem
E:
189
with
Dr. Vanessa Lapointe
Founder of The North Star Developmental Clinic
February 20, 2024
August 23, 2023
Understanding Sensory Self-Care: How Overstimulated Moms Can Regulate and Regain Calm
E:
187
with
Holly Peretz
Pediatric Occupational Therapist
February 20, 2024
August 16, 2023
Navigating Matrescence: The Roller Coaster of Becoming a Mom
E:
186
with
Dr. Catherine Birndorf
Co-Founder and Medical Director of The Motherhood Center of New York
February 20, 2024
July 26, 2023
The Journey of a Bereaved Parent: Stefania Thomson’s Story of Navigating Grief and Loss
E:
183
with
Stefania Thomson
Bereavement and Grief Advocate
February 20, 2024
June 21, 2023
Myths About Toddler Behavior: How to Reclaim the "Terrible Twos"
E:
178
with
Dr. Cathryn Tobin
Pediatrician
February 20, 2024
March 29, 2023
Birth Trauma Part 2: Facing Pregnancy After a Traumatic Birth
E:
166
with
Kayleigh Summers
Clinical Social Worker
February 20, 2024
March 22, 2023
Birth Trauma Part 1: How Birth Trauma Impacts Our Family Decision Making
E:
165
with
Kayleigh Summers
Clinical Social Worker
February 20, 2024
March 15, 2023
Real Self-Care for Moms: Why Mindset Matters More Than Massages
E:
164
with
Dr. Pooja Lakshmin
Psychiatrist
February 20, 2024
February 8, 2023
Overcoming Mom Guilt: Rewriting the Motherhood Contract and Charting Your Own Path
E:
159
with
Libby Ward
Founder of Diary of an Honest Mom
February 20, 2024
December 28, 2022
Coping During Postpartum with No Family Support: When Reality Clashes with Expectations
E:
153
with
Emmalee Bierly and Jennifer Chaiken
Founders of ShrinkChicks
February 20, 2024
November 23, 2022
The Mental Load of Motherhood: How to Address the Imbalance of Household Labour
E:
148
with
Gemma Hartley
Journalist and Author
February 20, 2024
November 16, 2022
Surviving the Baby Witching Hour: How to Cope With Colicky and Fussy Babies
E:
147
with
Dr. Whitney Casares
Pediatrician
February 20, 2024
November 2, 2022
How To Deal With Toxic Positivity As a Mom: What To Do When Someone Invalidates Your Feelings
E:
145
with
Whitney Goodman
Marriage and Family Therapist
February 20, 2024
October 19, 2022
Returning to Work After Maternity Leave: Navigating the Emotions, Difficulties, and Challenges
E:
143
with
Dr. Cassidy Freitas
Marriage and Family Therapist
February 20, 2024
October 12, 2022
How to Know if You Have Postpartum Anxiety: Red Flags to Watch for in Pregnancy, Birth, and After Baby
E:
142
with
Dr. Sarah Oreck
Reproductive Psychiatrist
February 20, 2024
October 5, 2022
Protecting Maternal Sleep: The Relationship Between Sleep Deprivation and Postpartum Depression
E:
141
with
Dr. Nicole Leistikow
Reproductive Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist
February 20, 2024
September 21, 2022
Encouraging Independent Play: Why Unstructured Play Matters and How to Foster It
E:
139
with
Susie Allison
Founder of Busy Toddler
April 25, 2024
August 31, 2022
Why Does a Messy House Give Me Anxiety? How to Stress Less About Cleaning and Keep Your House Functioning
E:
136
with
KC Davis
@domesticblisters on TikTok and Founder of Struggle Care
February 20, 2024
August 3, 2022
Overcoming Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: Why Support Matters and How to Find Resources to Help
E:
132
with
Dr. Wendy Davis
Executive Director of PSI
February 20, 2024
July 27, 2022
Overcoming Working Mom Guilt: Why Moms Should Never Be Ashamed to Be Ambitious
E:
131
with
Lara Bazelon
Law Professor and Author
February 20, 2024
February 16, 2022
What is Matrescence? The Transition into Motherhood (And Why Being a New Mom is Hard)
E:
108
with
Dr. Katayune Kaeni
Perinatal Psychologist
February 20, 2024
February 2, 2022
Discover Your Personal Core Values
E:
106
with
Dr. Cassidy Freitas
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
February 20, 2024
January 26, 2022
When Mommy Rage Strikes: How to Prevent and Control the Anger
E:
105
with
Dr. Ashurina Ream
Founder of Psyched Mommy
February 20, 2024
January 5, 2022
Sleep Training Doesn't Have To Be Scary
E:
102
with
Dr. Aubrie DeBear
Founder of Baby Sleep Dr.
February 20, 2024
January 19, 2022
Carrying the Mental Load: How to Redistribute the Burden and Give Moms More Freedom
E:
104
with
Eve Rodsky
New York Times Bestselling Author