Erica's New Book Releasing the Mother Load is coming out April 9th! Pre-order your copy today and get access to the presale bonuses!
LEARN MORE
Erica's New Book Releasing the Mother Load is coming out April 9th! Pre-order your copy today and get access to the presale bonuses!
LEARN MORE

February 20, 2024

November 16, 2022

Surviving the Baby Witching Hour: How to Cope With Colicky and Fussy Babies

E:
147
with
Dr. Whitney Casares
Pediatrician

What You'll Learn

  • Why Moms Feel Inadequate During the Baby Witching Hour or Fussiness
  • How To Reframe Your Mindset About Crying
  • Why Crying Isn’t a Bad Thing
  • Simple Ways to Make the Baby Witching Hour Easier On Yourself
  • The Role of Sleep in Coping With a Fussy Baby
  • What to Tell Yourself If You Are Facing the Baby Witching Hour or Fussiness

As a new mom, one of the most stressful things we can experience is not being able to soothe our babies. So when we face the “baby witching hour,” colic, or a fussy infant, we often feel like failures. 

It’s hard to cope with crying. It’s even harder to let go of the expectation that we should be able to soothe every cry. Today, I’m joined by pediatrician Dr. Whitney Casares, founder of Modern Mommy Doc, to discuss how to survive the baby witching hour, and how to be kind to ourselves in the process.

When Crying Leaves You Feeling Panicked

I never imagined how hard it would be to hear my babies cry. But once I became a mom, nothing was more anxiety-inducing than the sound of their fussing. 

I would intervene immediately at every nighttime cry. I felt panicked if I couldn’t soothe them right away. And, on the fussiest days, I wondered if I was not cut out for motherhood. 

I wondered if I was not cut out for motherhood.

One day, I was driving to a Santa Claus parade with a friend. One of my sons was scream-crying in the backseat, and the alarm bells in my head were going off. I remember having a white-knuckle grip on my steering wheel, wishing I could climb in the backseat and soothe him. 

But when I expressed my frustration to my friend, she calmly replied that she didn’t see his cry as distressing—he was simply communicating that he didn’t want to be in the car seat. 

Logically, I knew she was right. My son was just talking to me the only way he could. But knowing that and coping with it in the moment are two very different things. 

I was so excited when I came across Dr. Whitney’s content. Like me, she was once a perfectionist, determined to work hard and excel at everything she put her mind to. But once she had kids, she realized that it was so much harder than she ever understood. 

She kept trying to put on a front of perfection, but inside, she was crumbling. She felt that if she, as a highly-trained pediatrician, was struggling so much, then it was clear that the system needed to change. She set out to use her experience as a pediatrician in a different way—one that also focused on moms and their mental health. 

I was thrilled to sit down with her and discuss her views on a topic that is extremely stress-provoking for so many moms—crying, fussiness, and the baby witching hour. 

Why Moms Feel Inadequate During The Baby Witching Hour or Fussiness

When I was in the thick of new motherhood, I felt the same way as Dr. Whitney. I had experience working with kids. I was a therapist! But I couldn’t stop my baby from crying sometimes. I couldn’t tolerate the unsoothable crying, and I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. So many of my mom clients experience this same strong reaction when their babies cry. 

Dr. Whitney pointed out that there is a range of reasons why babies cry. They have immature nervous systems and communication systems, and crying is their only way to communicate with us. 

Crying is the only way for babies to communicate with us.

They might cry because they want to be held, or they are wet, hungry, too hot, or too cold. It’s simply their way of communicating their basic needs. And yet, we often struggle, wondering if we are inadequate. 

Dr. Whitney believes part of the problem is that social media, blogs, and books are full of images of peaceful, calm babies, or quick fixes that promise instant soothing. 

So when we can’t calm our babies down, we start to feel like we’re not good enough—that we aren’t good enough problem solvers, that our bond with our baby isn't strong enough, or that there’s something wrong with us or our baby. But Dr. Whitney wants moms to know that’s not the case—and that we can change the way we respond to crying. 

How To Reframe Your Mindset About Crying

Dr. Whitney said the first step to shifting our mindset about crying is to remember Dr. Kristin Neff’s advice about self-compassion—crying is just data. We can react to it biologically, allowing our body and nervous system to take over and move into panic mode, or we can work to create a mindful pause before our response. 

When we can create some space and notice both our baby’s cry and our stress reaction, we give ourselves the chance to problem-solve. 

Dr. Whitney recommends telling yourself three things when you start to feel stress in response to your baby’s cry:

  1. It makes sense to feel stressed
  2. It doesn’t make you a bad mom to experience that stress
  3. Many other moms would feel the same way

Taking the time to remind yourself of those three points will help create the space to remain calm and respond in a helpful way. For example, if I had taken that pause in the car on the way to the Santa Claus parade, I might have realized that driving is a stressful time for me, and made the plan to avoid unnecessary outings whenever possible. 

She said that it helps to tap into awareness and self-compassion, and to try to choose responsiveness overreaction whenever possible. 

Why Crying Isn’t a Bad Thing

Another way to reframe our mindset around crying is to remember that crying isn’t always a bad thing. We often talk about babies in terms of their crying—when babies are calm, we call them “good babies.” But crying doesn’t mean you are bad or your child is bad. 

Dr. Whitney pointed out that we can think of sensitive or “fussy” babies in a different way. We can view them as world-changers. She believes that her highly-sensitive daughter, who is able to sense something is wrong or notice someone else’s pain before anyone else, can use that trait to better the world. 

When we can take the morality out of the conversation about crying and depersonalize it, we can look at it in a more objective way. 

Dr. Whitney recommends trying to zoom out, picturing yourself on a screen or in a bubble, to provide some emotional separation. She pointed out that if you were watching a friend go through the same situation, you would have so much empathy for them and for their baby. But we often beat ourselves up instead of having that same empathy. 

Crying doesn't mean you are bad or your child is bad.

Dr. Whitney said that one of the most important ways we can survive our baby’s colicky or fussy periods is to practice radical acceptance. The more resistance we have to our reality, the more difficult it becomes to deal with that reality. 

If we focus on how much we want our babies to stop being fussy, and how much we wish the situation was different, we struggle more—and we don’t actually improve the situation. There’s nothing wrong with grieving your situation or expressing your frustration. But ultimately, our focus has to be on navigating the challenge in front of us rather than trying to change it. 

Simple Ways to Make the Baby Witching Hour Easier On Yourself

When your baby experiences the witching hour (or several hours), it can be hard to think of any possible solutions. For many moms, it feels impossible to deal with—as if it’s never going to end. 

But there are solutions that can help us through it. Dr. Whitney suggested creating a code word or physical sign to “tag” your partner when you feel like you’ve reached your limit. 

We can also plan ahead, perhaps preparing dinner earlier before the fussiness starts, or establishing a pattern of trading off shifts. 

For many moms, the witching hour feels impossible to deal with - as if it's never going to end.

When possible, Whitney encourages moms to consider bringing in outside help, such as doulas, or embracing technology help like the Snoo. This isn’t accessible for every family. But some families could shift their budgets to allow these purchases. 

If that is not possible for you, focus on making yourself more comfortable. Can you wear your most comfortable robe? Or put on a funny television show or some uplifting music? Creating a comfortable environment can help you move through the baby’s witching hour with peace instead of trying to control it. 

It’s important to remember that it’s hard to engage in problem-solving skills and the ability to come up with creative solutions for your family when you are activated. By the end of the day, when difficult evenings hit, you likely have less capacity. Try to come up with solutions outside of the moment. 

The Role of Sleep in Coping With a Fussy Baby

Nighttime fussiness is often one of the hardest experiences to navigate as a new mom. After a long day of caring for your baby, frequent night wakings and crying at night can be very triggering. Sleep deprivation can feel so difficult to overcome. 

Dr. Whitney said that she often sees parents become so determined to push their babies to sleep through the night before they are developmentally ready. This can lead to baby being underweight, undernourished, or underfed. 

That’s why it’s so important to prioritize your maternal sleep, separate from the baby’s sleep. If your baby needs to frequently wake to eat, let them. But you can lean on your partner or other support members and create a plan to protect a 4-6 hour chunk of restorative sleep. 

What to Tell Yourself If You Are Facing the Baby Witching Hour or Fussiness

If you feel as if your baby is fussier than other babies or you’re struggling to soothe them, it can feel like you are failing as a mom. But it’s important to remember that you are not a failure. 

Dr. Whitney recommended reminding yourself of these three things:

Just because this is difficult, does not mean I am doing it wrong.

I was specifically designed to be this baby’s parent. 

I am enough. 

Remember that you have value inside yourself. You have something amazing to offer and teach your baby. And you will get through this. 

If you are experiencing feelings of inadequacy or overwhelm, talking to a mom therapist can help! Our Wellness Center can connect you with one near you. Book a free 15 minute consult today!

NEWSLETTER

Subscribe to our newsletter and stay updated.
Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.
Tags:

Baby witching hour

Stage:

Postpartum

Share Now:

OUR GUEST

Dr. Whitney Casares
Pediatrician

Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. She’s a boots on the ground advocate for the success of women in the workplace and at home. Dr. Casares is a Stanford University-trained private practice pediatrician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds.

Her first book, The New Baby Blueprint: Caring for You and Your Little One was the first of its kind to address the unique needs of modern women as they transition to motherhood.

Dr. Whitney released her second book this year, The Working Mom Blueprint: Winning at Parenting without Losing Yourself, giving practical, expert-rooted advice and support for modern working moms who are ready to level-up their motherhood experiences and find success in the workplace and at home. 

Erica Djossa
Erica Djossa
PMH-C | Founder of Momwell
Erica is the founder of Momwell, providing educational resources and virtual therapy for moms. She is a mom of three boys and a registered psychotherapist. Erica’s work has been featured in the Toronto Star, Breakfast Television, Scary Mommy, Medium, Pop Sugar, and Romper. how they want it.
RELATED ARTICLES
March 18, 2024
March 6, 2024
Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts About Baby: The Role of Stress, Anxiety, and Anger
E:
215
with
Dr. Caroline Boyd
Clinical Psychologist
March 25, 2024
February 28, 2024
How to Embrace Career Change as a Mom: Finding Your Passion and Overcoming Guilt
E:
214
with
Jess Galica
Career and Leadership Coach, Best-Selling Author
February 26, 2024
January 31, 2024
Postpartum Rage vs. Parental Anger: How Social Expectations Create Overwhelmed Moms
E:
210
with
Dr. Ashurina Ream
Founder and CEO of Psyched Mommy, licensed clinical psychologist
February 20, 2024
January 24, 2024
You’re Not an Angry Mom: Why We Experience Mom Rage (and What We Can Learn From It)
E:
209
with
Minna Dubin
Author of Mom Rage: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood
February 20, 2024
January 17, 2024
What Causes Mommy Brain? The Role of the Invisible Load on Forgetfulness and Brain Fog
E:
208
with
Dr. Jodi Pawluski
neuroscientist, psychotherapist and author
February 20, 2024
January 3, 2024
How Parents Can Avoid Information Overload: Maintaining Confidence in Our Decision-Making
E:
206
with
Cara Goodwin
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
February 20, 2024
November 29, 2023
Prioritizing the Invisible Load of Motherhood: Valuing Our Own Time and Letting Go of Mental Labor
E:
201
with
Whitney Casares
Founder and CEO of Modern Mommy Doc
February 20, 2024
November 15, 2023
Breaking Generational Trauma Cycles: Healing Our Past and Moving Forward in Motherhood
E:
199
with
Dr. Mariel Buqué
Psychologist and the author of the book Break the Cycle: A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma
February 20, 2024
November 8, 2023
Is There Such a Thing as Healthy Perfectionism? Reframing the Concept of “Perfect” in Motherhood
E:
198
with
Katherine Morgan Schafler
Psychotherapist and author
February 20, 2024
October 11, 2023
Embracing the 7 Types of Rest: Why Moms Are Exhausted and What Actually Helps
E:
194
with
Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith
Board-Certified internal medicine physician and award-winning author
February 20, 2024
October 4, 2023
Interpreting Newborn Hunger Cues and Sleepy Signs: How to Learn Your Baby’s Needs
E:
193
with
Sharon Mazel
Author of Bite-Sized Parenting: Your Baby’s First Year
February 20, 2024
September 20, 2023
Managing Mom Anxiety: Why Millennial Moms Are So Anxious and How to Overcome Our Fears
E:
191
with
Dr. Lauren Cook
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
February 20, 2024
September 13, 2023
Embracing Power as Moms: Reshaping Dynamics In and Out of the Home
E:
190
with
Claire Shipman
NYT Bestselling Author
February 20, 2024
September 6, 2023
How to Raise Confident Kids: Breaking Cycles of Negative Self-Esteem
E:
189
with
Dr. Vanessa Lapointe
Founder of The North Star Developmental Clinic
February 20, 2024
August 23, 2023
Understanding Sensory Self-Care: How Overstimulated Moms Can Regulate and Regain Calm
E:
187
with
Holly Peretz
Pediatric Occupational Therapist
February 20, 2024
August 16, 2023
Navigating Matrescence: The Roller Coaster of Becoming a Mom
E:
186
with
Dr. Catherine Birndorf
Co-Founder and Medical Director of The Motherhood Center of New York
February 20, 2024
July 26, 2023
The Journey of a Bereaved Parent: Stefania Thomson’s Story of Navigating Grief and Loss
E:
183
with
Stefania Thomson
Bereavement and Grief Advocate
February 20, 2024
June 21, 2023
Myths About Toddler Behavior: How to Reclaim the "Terrible Twos"
E:
178
with
Dr. Cathryn Tobin
Pediatrician
February 20, 2024
April 19, 2023
Overcoming Grief as Our Children Age: The Value of Acceptance and How to Be More Present
E:
169
with
Bryana Kappadakunnel
Marriage & Family Therapist
February 20, 2024
March 29, 2023
Birth Trauma Part 2: Facing Pregnancy After a Traumatic Birth
E:
166
with
Kayleigh Summers
Clinical Social Worker
February 20, 2024
March 22, 2023
Birth Trauma Part 1: How Birth Trauma Impacts Our Family Decision Making
E:
165
with
Kayleigh Summers
Clinical Social Worker
February 20, 2024
March 15, 2023
Real Self-Care for Moms: Why Mindset Matters More Than Massages
E:
164
with
Dr. Pooja Lakshmin
Psychiatrist
February 20, 2024
February 8, 2023
Overcoming Mom Guilt: Rewriting the Motherhood Contract and Charting Your Own Path
E:
159
with
Libby Ward
Founder of Diary of an Honest Mom
February 20, 2024
January 11, 2023
Understanding Baby Temperament: How to Tune Into Your Child’s Natural Personality
E:
155
with
Dr. Cara Goodwin
Clinical Psychologist
February 20, 2024
December 28, 2022
Coping During Postpartum with No Family Support: When Reality Clashes with Expectations
E:
153
with
Emmalee Bierly and Jennifer Chaiken
Founders of ShrinkChicks
February 20, 2024
November 23, 2022
The Mental Load of Motherhood: How to Address the Imbalance of Household Labour
E:
148
with
Gemma Hartley
Journalist and Author
February 20, 2024
November 16, 2022
Surviving the Baby Witching Hour: How to Cope With Colicky and Fussy Babies
E:
147
with
Dr. Whitney Casares
Pediatrician
February 20, 2024
November 2, 2022
How To Deal With Toxic Positivity As a Mom: What To Do When Someone Invalidates Your Feelings
E:
145
with
Whitney Goodman
Marriage and Family Therapist
February 20, 2024
October 19, 2022
Returning to Work After Maternity Leave: Navigating the Emotions, Difficulties, and Challenges
E:
143
with
Dr. Cassidy Freitas
Marriage and Family Therapist
February 20, 2024
October 12, 2022
How to Know if You Have Postpartum Anxiety: Red Flags to Watch for in Pregnancy, Birth, and After Baby
E:
142
with
Dr. Sarah Oreck
Reproductive Psychiatrist
February 20, 2024
October 5, 2022
Protecting Maternal Sleep: The Relationship Between Sleep Deprivation and Postpartum Depression
E:
141
with
Dr. Nicole Leistikow
Reproductive Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist
February 20, 2024
September 21, 2022
Encouraging Independent Play: Why Unstructured Play Matters and How to Foster It
E:
139
with
Susie Allison
Founder of Busy Toddler
February 20, 2024
August 31, 2022
Why Does a Messy House Give Me Anxiety? How to Stress Less About Cleaning and Keep Your House Functioning
E:
136
with
KC Davis
@domesticblisters on TikTok and Founder of Struggle Care
February 20, 2024
August 3, 2022
Overcoming Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: Why Support Matters and How to Find Resources to Help
E:
132
with
Dr. Wendy Davis
Executive Director of PSI
February 20, 2024
July 27, 2022
Overcoming Working Mom Guilt: Why Moms Should Never Be Ashamed to Be Ambitious
E:
131
with
Lara Bazelon
Law Professor and Author
February 20, 2024
February 16, 2022
What is Matrescence? The Transition into Motherhood (And Why Being a New Mom is Hard)
E:
108
with
Dr. Katayune Kaeni
Perinatal Psychologist
February 20, 2024
February 9, 2022
How to Prepare Your Dog for a New Baby: Planning, Introducing, and Keeping Everyone Safe
E:
107
with
Dominika Knossalla
Certified Dog Trainer
February 20, 2024
February 2, 2022
Discover Your Personal Core Values
E:
106
with
Dr. Cassidy Freitas
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
February 20, 2024
January 26, 2022
When Mommy Rage Strikes: How to Prevent and Control the Anger
E:
105
with
Dr. Ashurina Ream
Founder of Psyched Mommy
February 20, 2024
January 5, 2022
Sleep Training Doesn't Have To Be Scary
E:
102
with
Dr. Aubrie DeBear
Founder of Baby Sleep Dr.
February 20, 2024
January 19, 2022
Carrying the Mental Load: How to Redistribute the Burden and Give Moms More Freedom
E:
104
with
Eve Rodsky
New York Times Bestselling Author
February 20, 2024
January 12, 2022
Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression: How to Spot the Signs So You Can Seek Support
E:
103
with
Dr. Kristina Deligiannidis
Reproductive Psychiatrist
February 20, 2024
December 29, 2021
Decluttering: The Secret of an Easy to Tidy Home
E:
101
with
Katy Wells
Declutter Expert
February 20, 2024
December 22, 2021
100th Episode: Erica’s Husband Tells All
E:
100
with
Frenel Djossa
February 20, 2024
December 15, 2021
The Pressure to Get It Right
E:
99
with
Dr. Jen Douglas
Psychologist
February 20, 2024
December 1, 2021
The One and Done Family
E:
97
with
Renee Reina, Ph.D.
Founder of The Mom Room
February 20, 2024
November 24, 2021
Overcoming Gender Disappointment
E:
96
with
Dr. Renée Miller
Clinical Psychologist
February 20, 2024
November 17, 2021
Adding a Sibling to Your Family
E:
95
with
Bryana Kappadakunnel
Family Therapist
February 20, 2024
November 10, 2021
Regulating Your Nervous System
E:
94
with
Dr. Quincee Gideon
Psychologist
February 20, 2024
October 13, 2021
Momming With ADHD
E:
90
with
Dr. Melissa Shepard
Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist
February 20, 2024
October 6, 2021
Supporting NICU Moms
E:
89
with
Kristin Reinhart
Registered Social Worker
February 20, 2024
September 29, 2021
Alcohol, CBD, and Cannabis While Pregnant and Nursing
E:
88
with
Dr. Jennifer Lincoln
OB-GYN
February 20, 2024
September 22, 2021
Working As A Mother
E:
87
with
Dr. Courtney Tracy
Founder of The Truth Doctor
February 20, 2024
September 8, 2021
Caring for the Postpartum Brain
E:
85
with
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Neuroanatomist
February 20, 2024
September 1, 2021
The Data Driven Mommy
E:
84
with
Emily Oster
Economist and Author
February 20, 2024
August 18, 2021
Is Breastfeeding Worth Our Mental Health?
E:
82
with
Johanna Phillips
Maternal Mental Health Specialist
February 20, 2024
August 11, 2021
Exploring Mommy Wine Culture
E:
81
with
Michelle Smith
Addictions Counselor
February 20, 2024
July 28, 2021
When Treatment Becomes Trauma
E:
79
with
Dr. Quincee Gideon
Clinical Psychologist
February 20, 2024
July 21, 2021
PMS or Something More?
E:
78
with
Dr. Nichelle Haynes
Perinatal Psychiatrist
February 20, 2024
July 7, 2021
Preparing for Labor and Delivery
E:
76
with
Liesel Teen
Founder of Mommy Labor Nurse
February 20, 2024
June 30, 2021
Sex As a Mother
E:
75
with
Dr. Sara Reardon
Physical Therapist