We Are In-Network With Insurance Providers in CA, PA & NY!
BOOK HERE FOR AN INSURANCE CHECK
We Are In-Network With Insurance Providers in CA, PA & NY!
BOOK HERE FOR AN INSURANCE CHECK

February 20, 2024

December 21, 2022

Advice for Moms with ADHD: Challenges, Solutions, and How to Find Your Own Path

E:
152
with
Dr. Sasha Hamdani
Psychiatrist

What You'll Learn

  • The Unique Challenges Moms with ADHD Face
  • Factors that Impact Our Capacity
  • The Internal Contradictions for Moms with ADHD
  • What to Do If You Feel Understimulated
  • How Moms with ADHD Can Practice Mindfulness and Self-care
  • Self-care for Moms with ADHD

Moms with ADHD take on additional struggles and labor, along with the typical mental load of motherhood. Our mental health affects our capacity and impacts the way we deal with stress. 

Today, I’m joined by psychiatrist Dr. Sasha Hamdani, founder of The Psych Doctor MD, to discuss how moms with ADHD can overcome their challenges and take care of themselves in the process. 

Discovering My ADHD

I always knew that there was something different about the way my brain worked. I felt wound up. I had trouble getting places on time. And noises and mess triggered me more than they did others around me. 

When I became a mom, those tendencies increased. But it wasn’t until my son was diagnosed with ADHD that I began to realize that I might have it as well. 

My ADHD diagnosis answered a lot of questions I had about myself. 

My ADHD diagnosis answered a lot of questions I had about myself. It showed me why I experienced certain challenges, why I just couldn’t ever seem to slow down and relax, and why it was so important for me to find my own ways to manage in motherhood. 

I stumbled across Dr. Sasha’s page before I knew I had ADHD—back when the TikTok algorithm was trying to tell me I did! I found a great deal of comfort and answers in her content. So I was excited to talk with her about the unique challenges moms with ADHD face. 

The Unique Challenges Moms with ADHD Face

Motherhood has a way of making symptoms of ADHD bigger and harder to deal with. Dr. Sasha pointed out that many people with ADHD learn early on in their lives how to mask or cope with their symptoms. But once you’re responsible for caring for children, it amplifies. 

It became even more difficult in the pandemic. Moms were now overwhelmingly carrying the added invisible load in the home, dealing with virtual school, child-care, and all of the changes the pandemic brought. Dr. Sasha said that many moms began recognizing that they might have ADHD during the pandemic. Others who had already been diagnosed also struggled with increased symptoms during that time. 

Even before the pandemic, however, moms with ADHD faced extra challenges. Dr. Sasha pointed out that the way ADHD presents itself is different for everyone. But one of the common struggles is difficulty with executive functioning—the functions required to get a goal completed. Moms with ADHD often find it hard to initiate or organize tasks.  

It’s also common to experience mood shifting and emotional dysregulation. This becomes very difficult when trying to keep yourself balanced and navigate the noise, mess, and chaos of motherhood. 

We want to model regulation and ideal behavior for our children. But it’s hard when we’re struggling with the same things ourselves. 

I remember early in motherhood grappling with folding and putting away the laundry. It became so paralyzing to me. I had to get curious as to why it was so hard. Ultimately, I realized that it wasn’t just about the laundry itself—it was about the invisible labor that went with it. I needed to change clothes over for the season, sort through sizes, organize dressers, and shop for clothes. 

This invisible load impacts all moms, but it becomes especially difficult when we’re also struggling with executive function. 

Factors that Impact Our Capacity

We all have a limited capacity to cope with stress and the world around us. Think about how you feel at the end of a day at work or at home with the kids. By the end of the day, you likely feel exhausted and more short-tempered—your capacity has been used up. 

Our capacity ebbs and flows depending on many things—including nutrition, sleep, and stress. But our mental health also plays a big role. Moms with ADHD often find themselves with a smaller capacity to stay in control of their emotions. 

It’s important to recognize that and check in with ourselves. Dr. Sasha pointed out that she has days where her brain is just not cooperating. She has to accept that on those days, nothing is going to get done. 

We need to be flexible with ourselves and understand that capacity shifts from day to day.

Sometimes we even make plans on a day when our capacity is good. We think we’ll be able to tackle the next day with ease. But then disrupted sleep might lead us to wake up feeling depleted. We need to be flexible with ourselves and understand that capacity shifts from day to day.  

Dr. Sasha pointed out that many moms experience shame around not being able to complete tasks or regulate emotions. That shame just leads to even more paralysis. 

Instead of slipping into the shame cycle, we have to give ourselves grace. Sometimes, our expectations are different from reality. Sometimes, we’re going to struggle. 

The Internal Contradictions for Moms with ADHD

Dr. Sasha believes that moms with ADHD are often facing internal contradictions. For her, the biggest one is that she sometimes feels like a child, still learning and doing work on herself, and yet she has to show up and be the leader for another person. It can be hard to wrap her head around both of those things. 

Another contradiction is that we might want spontaneity and change, but our brains might need routine and structure to function. This can be difficult for moms with ADHD during maternity leave, a time that can feel boring. 

We might want spontaneity and change, but our brains might need routine and structure to function.

Moms with ADHD might also find motherhood both understimulating and overstimulating at the same time. We have a lot of sensory inputs coming in, and yet there might not be a lot of opportunities to challenge ourselves in a healthy way. 

Dr. Sasha said that it’s hard to find the right amount of stimulation and the balance of routine and peace. 

What to Do If You Feel Understimulated

Feeling understimulated can be a very uncomfortable place for moms with ADHD. Dr. Sasha pointed out that ADHD is a low dopamine state. When we feel understimulated, our brains might not be using dopamine in the right way, at the right time. It doesn’t necessarily mean we aren’t making the right amount of dopamine—just that we aren’t using it efficiently. 

But she said that those low dopamine moments aren’t necessarily a bad thing. The alarm chemicals in our brain might be telling us we need stimulation, but the lack of stimulation might actually be the best thing for the household at that moment. 

Dr. Sasha recommended looking within during those moments to see what we can do to stimulate or challenge ourselves, whether that’s finding a creative outlet or exploring a new hobby. 

She said that it’s important to find ways to entertain ourselves so that we can be more present and engaging with our kids. We sometimes pressure ourselves to be “on” all the time. But if we aren’t stimulating our own brains and fulfilling our own needs, it’s harder to stay in the moment. 

How Moms with ADHD Can Practice Mindfulness

When we search for answers on how to be more present with our kids, many people talk about mindfulness. But Dr. Sasha pointed out that mindfulness doesn’t have to look one way. Moms with ADHD might find it difficult to practice meditation or do traditional mindfulness activities. 

However, the ultimate goal of mindfulness is grounding. Dr. Sasha pointed out that mindfulness isn’t a destination—it’s a practice we can slowly work on. 

Mindfulness isn’t a destination—it’s a practice we can slowly work on. 

If you find yourself in an overstimulated state and your mind is racing, take a step back—not to try to solve problems, but just to observe. Pay attention to what you are thinking about. As you note your thoughts without emotion, you are reinforcing a feedback loop in your brain that your thoughts don’t have to raise alarms. This allows you to take a breath and remain calm. 

Dr. Sasha also pointed out that it can be very difficult for moms with ADHD to remember to be mindful in triggering moments. If it’s a new skill, it likely isn’t in your arsenal of tools for those moments. 

She recommends practicing in calmer moments, such as before bed. The more that you do it, the better you will become at it. This will make it easier to remember in stressful moments. 

Mindfulness doesn’t have to look like “quieting” your brain. Dr. Sasha said she tried for years to force her brain to clear before she realized that would never work for her. Instead, mindfulness can happen in a variety of different ways, like looking at images, journaling, or neutrally monitoring your thoughts. You can find what works for you to become grounded. 

(For more tips on coping with sensory overload, check out our workshop, Managing Overstimulation in Motherhood). 

Self-care for Moms with ADHD

Just like mindfulness doesn’t have to look one specific way, self-care can come in a variety of forms. Moms face a lot of pressure to practice self-care. It sometimes becomes another to-do rather than a way to care for ourselves. 

If you find relaxing difficult and stressful, it doesn’t serve you to try to force yourself to practice “self-care” in the traditional sense. 

Sometimes, self-care is practicing non-judgemental curiosity about why we are responding in certain ways, or why our capacity is depleted. We might have to find practical workarounds for our lives based on what we discover. 

For example, I have come to learn that evenings are a very difficult time for me. So I have carved out my one-on-one time to be engaged with my children for weekend mornings rather than trying to shame and punish myself for that. 

The best self-care we can give ourselves is understanding how we work. 

Dr. Sasha said that the best self-care we can give ourselves is understanding how we work and carving out usable hacks that help us survive motherhood with ADHD. 

One of her self-care practices is having her favorite shirt in several different colors, so she knows she has a go-to outfit that will make her feel good and not trigger sensory struggles. 

The more curious you get about yourself, the more ways you can find to relieve pressure and find solutions that work for you and your brain. The biggest thing I have learned as a mom with ADHD is that I have to carve out my own path in motherhood—not the ideals that society has determined. 

If you’re struggling through motherhood, you don’t have to do it alone! Our mom therapists can help. Book a free 15 minute consult to assess your needs today!

NEWSLETTER

Subscribe to our newsletter and stay updated.
Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.
Tags:

Overstimulation

Stage:

Postpartum, Motherhood

Share Now:

OUR GUEST

Dr. Sasha Hamdani
Psychiatrist

Dr. Sasha Hamdani is a board-certified psychiatrist and ADHD clinical specialist. She completed medical school at University of Missouri–Kansas City and psychiatry residency training at University of Arizona Phoenix program and final year of training at Kansas University Medical Center. She currently has a thriving private practice in Kansas City. Dr. Hamdani also has a robust social media following on Instagram and TikTok (@thepsychdoctormd) where she breaks down stigmas and provides accessible information about mental health. Through a combination of her clinical expertise and media savvy, Dr. Hamdani utilizes social media as a tool to fill in the gaps and has launched efforts about mental health awareness through the White House. Her first book, Self-Care for People with ADHD will be released through Simon and Schuster this January and her ADHD management platform, Focus Genie will be launched early next year.

Erica Djossa
Erica Djossa
PMH-C | Founder of Momwell
Erica is the founder of Momwell, providing educational resources and virtual therapy for moms. She is a mom of three boys and a registered psychotherapist. Erica’s work has been featured in the Toronto Star, Breakfast Television, Scary Mommy, Medium, Pop Sugar, and Romper. how they want it.
RELATED ARTICLES
December 11, 2024
December 11, 2024
Navigating Loneliness in Motherhood: Why Moms Feel Unseen and Invisible
E:
255
with
Dr. Jody Carrington
Psychologist and Author
December 4, 2024
December 4, 2024
Pain Management During Shots for Kids: Supporting Children With Needle Phobia
E:
254
with
Dr. Jody Thomas
Founder of Meg Foundation
December 1, 2024
November 27, 2024
Fed is Best and Formula Can Save Lives: Why Rigid Breastfeeding Expectations Can be Harmful
E:
253
with
Dr. Christie del Castillo-Hegyi
Co-Founder of Fed Is Best Foundation
December 2, 2024
October 30, 2024
A New Approach to Developing Secure Attachment
E:
249
with
Dr. Ann Kelley
Co-founder of Therapist Uncensored
December 12, 2024
October 23, 2024
From the Vault: Setting Boundaries with In-laws and Family Members
E:
248
with
Dr. Ashurina Ream
Founder of Psyched Mommy
November 15, 2024
October 16, 2024
The Stressed-Out Mom: Why Maternal Stress Matters and How to Create Support
E:
247
with
Dr. Molly Dickens
Founder of The Maternal Stress Project
November 8, 2024
September 25, 2024
The Importance of Emotional Learning as a Mom: Breaking Cycles and Building Confidence
E:
244
with
Kelly Oriard & Callie Christensen
Co-Founders of Slumberkins
October 7, 2024
September 4, 2024
Raising Securely Attached Kids: How to Foster Connection and Build a Lasting Bond
E:
241
with
Eli Harwood
Licensed Therapist and Author
September 23, 2024
August 21, 2024
From The Vault: How to Support a Child Going Through Transitions: Strategies for Separation Anxiety, Back-to-School, and Beyond
E:
239
with
Jess VanderWier
Founder and CEO of Nurtured First
September 23, 2024
August 14, 2024
From The Vault: How to Help a Child With School Anxiety: Easing Worries and Promoting Resilience
E:
238
with
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Founder of Good Inside
September 4, 2024
July 31, 2024
Approaching Infant Feeding with Flexibility: What We Can Learn from the Data on Combination Feeding
E:
236
with
Sarah O'Leary and Andrea Ippolito
CEO of Willow and CEO & Founder of SimpliFed
September 4, 2024
July 24, 2024
Emotional Regulation Skills for Moms: Why Motherhood Causes Dysregulation and How to Regain Some Control
E:
235
with
Dr. Amber Thornton
Clinical Psychologist and host of Know & Grow Podcast
August 19, 2024
July 17, 2024
Overcoming Anxiety About Introducing Solids to Baby: How to Trust Yourself and Your Child
E:
234
with
Jenny Best
Founder & CEO of Solid Starts
August 6, 2024
July 3, 2024
Fostering Emotional Development in Our Children: How Emotional Intelligence Can Change the Way We Parent
E:
232
with
Alyssa Campbell
CEO of Seed and Sew, co-author of Tiny Humans, Big Emotions
August 6, 2024
June 12, 2024
Understanding Brain Development in Children: How to Supportively Approach Discipline, Meltdowns, and More
E:
229
with
Tammy Schamuhn
Co-founder of Institute of Child Psychology
August 6, 2024
May 15, 2024
Encouraging Healthy Screen Time Habits: Rethinking Our Approach in the Digital Age
E:
225
with
Dr. Michael Rich
Founder of Digital Wellness Lab
August 6, 2024
April 24, 2024
Understanding and Implementing Responsive Parenting: How to Break the Yelling/Shame Cycle
E:
222
with
Dr. Cindy Hovington
Founder of Curious Neuron
August 6, 2024
April 17, 2024
How to Maintain Friendships (and Make Friends) as a Mom
E:
221
with
Danielle Bayard Jackson
Author
August 6, 2024
April 10, 2024
How Stressed Moms Can Cope: Understanding and Breaking Out of the Stress Cycle
E:
220
with
Amelia Nagoski
Co-author of Burnout
July 3, 2024
February 28, 2024
How to Embrace Career Change as a Mom: Finding Your Passion and Overcoming Guilt
E:
214
with
Jess Galica
Career and Leadership Coach, Best-Selling Author
July 3, 2024
January 31, 2024
Postpartum Rage vs. Parental Anger: How Social Expectations Create Overwhelmed Moms
E:
210
with
Dr. Ashurina Ream
Founder and CEO of Psyched Mommy, licensed clinical psychologist
July 3, 2024
January 24, 2024
You’re Not an Angry Mom: Why We Experience Mom Rage (and What We Can Learn From It)
E:
209
with
Minna Dubin
Author of Mom Rage: The Everyday Crisis of Modern Motherhood
July 3, 2024
January 17, 2024
What Causes Mommy Brain? The Role of the Invisible Load on Forgetfulness and Brain Fog
E:
208
with
Dr. Jodi Pawluski
neuroscientist, psychotherapist and author
February 20, 2024
November 29, 2023
Prioritizing the Invisible Load of Motherhood: Valuing Our Own Time and Letting Go of Mental Labor
E:
201
with
Whitney Casares
Founder and CEO of Modern Mommy Doc
February 20, 2024
November 15, 2023
Breaking Generational Trauma Cycles: Healing Our Past and Moving Forward in Motherhood
E:
199
with
Dr. Mariel Buqué
Psychologist and the author of the book Break the Cycle: A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma
February 20, 2024
November 8, 2023
Is There Such a Thing as Healthy Perfectionism? Reframing the Concept of “Perfect” in Motherhood
E:
198
with
Katherine Morgan Schafler
Psychotherapist and author
February 20, 2024
October 11, 2023
Embracing the 7 Types of Rest: Why Moms Are Exhausted and What Actually Helps
E:
194
with
Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith
Board-Certified internal medicine physician and award-winning author
February 20, 2024
October 4, 2023
Interpreting Newborn Hunger Cues and Sleepy Signs: How to Learn Your Baby’s Needs
E:
193
with
Sharon Mazel
Author of Bite-Sized Parenting: Your Baby’s First Year
February 20, 2024
September 20, 2023
Managing Mom Anxiety: Why Millennial Moms Are So Anxious and How to Overcome Our Fears
E:
191
with
Dr. Lauren Cook
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
February 20, 2024
September 13, 2023
Embracing Power as Moms: Reshaping Dynamics In and Out of the Home
E:
190
with
Claire Shipman
NYT Bestselling Author
February 20, 2024
September 6, 2023
How to Raise Confident Kids: Breaking Cycles of Negative Self-Esteem
E:
189
with
Dr. Vanessa Lapointe
Founder of The North Star Developmental Clinic
February 20, 2024
August 23, 2023
Understanding Sensory Self-Care: How Overstimulated Moms Can Regulate and Regain Calm
E:
187
with
Holly Peretz
Pediatric Occupational Therapist
February 20, 2024
August 16, 2023
Navigating Matrescence: The Roller Coaster of Becoming a Mom
E:
186
with
Dr. Catherine Birndorf
Co-Founder and Medical Director of The Motherhood Center of New York
February 20, 2024
August 2, 2023
Establishing Family Values: How to Identify What Matters and Avoid Comparison
E:
184
with
Mell & Joe Hashey
Founders of Strong Family Co.
February 20, 2024
July 26, 2023
The Journey of a Bereaved Parent: Stefania Thomson’s Story of Navigating Grief and Loss
E:
183
with
Stefania Thomson
Bereavement and Grief Advocate
February 20, 2024
June 21, 2023
Myths About Toddler Behavior: How to Reclaim the "Terrible Twos"
E:
178
with
Dr. Cathryn Tobin
Pediatrician
February 20, 2024
April 19, 2023
Overcoming Grief as Our Children Age: The Value of Acceptance and How to Be More Present
E:
169
with
Bryana Kappadakunnel
Marriage & Family Therapist
February 20, 2024
March 29, 2023
Birth Trauma Part 2: Facing Pregnancy After a Traumatic Birth
E:
166
with
Kayleigh Summers
Clinical Social Worker
February 20, 2024
March 22, 2023
Birth Trauma Part 1: How Birth Trauma Impacts Our Family Decision Making
E:
165
with
Kayleigh Summers
Clinical Social Worker
February 20, 2024
March 15, 2023
Real Self-Care for Moms: Why Mindset Matters More Than Massages
E:
164
with
Dr. Pooja Lakshmin
Psychiatrist
February 20, 2024
February 8, 2023
Overcoming Mom Guilt: Rewriting the Motherhood Contract and Charting Your Own Path
E:
159
with
Libby Ward
Founder of Diary of an Honest Mom
February 20, 2024
January 11, 2023
Understanding Baby Temperament: How to Tune Into Your Child’s Natural Personality
E:
155
with
Dr. Cara Goodwin
Clinical Psychologist
February 20, 2024
December 28, 2022
Coping During Postpartum with No Family Support: When Reality Clashes with Expectations
E:
153
with
Emmalee Bierly and Jennifer Chaiken
Founders of ShrinkChicks
February 20, 2024
November 23, 2022
The Mental Load of Motherhood: How to Address the Imbalance of Household Labour
E:
148
with
Gemma Hartley
Journalist and Author
February 20, 2024
November 16, 2022
Surviving the Baby Witching Hour: How to Cope With Colicky and Fussy Babies
E:
147
with
Dr. Whitney Casares
Pediatrician
February 20, 2024
November 2, 2022
How To Deal With Toxic Positivity As a Mom: What To Do When Someone Invalidates Your Feelings
E:
145
with
Whitney Goodman
Marriage and Family Therapist
February 20, 2024
October 19, 2022
Returning to Work After Maternity Leave: Navigating the Emotions, Difficulties, and Challenges
E:
143
with
Dr. Cassidy Freitas
Marriage and Family Therapist
February 20, 2024
October 12, 2022
How to Know if You Have Postpartum Anxiety: Red Flags to Watch for in Pregnancy, Birth, and After Baby
E:
142
with
Dr. Sarah Oreck
Reproductive Psychiatrist
February 20, 2024
October 5, 2022
Protecting Maternal Sleep: The Relationship Between Sleep Deprivation and Postpartum Depression
E:
141
with
Dr. Nicole Leistikow
Reproductive Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist
February 20, 2024
September 28, 2022
Establishing Age-Appropriate Boundaries With Kids: How to Set Limits That Kids Want to Follow
E:
140
with
Tia Slightham
@parentingcoach on TikTok and Founder of Parenting Solutions
February 20, 2024
September 21, 2022
Encouraging Independent Play: Why Unstructured Play Matters and How to Foster It
E:
139
with
Susie Allison
Founder of Busy Toddler
February 20, 2024
September 7, 2022
How To Help a Child Regulate Their Emotions: Why Remembering the Good Matters
E:
137
with
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Founder of Good Inside
April 25, 2024
August 31, 2022
Why Does a Messy House Give Me Anxiety? How to Stress Less About Cleaning and Keep Your House Functioning
E:
136
with
KC Davis
@domesticblisters on TikTok and Founder of Struggle Care
February 20, 2024
August 24, 2022
How to Support a Child Going Through Transitions: Strategies for Separation Anxiety, Back-to-School, and Beyond
E:
135
with
Jess VanderWier
Founder of Our Mama Village
February 20, 2024
August 17, 2022
How to Help a Child With School Anxiety: Easing Worries and Promoting Resilience
E:
134
with
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Founder of Good Inside
February 20, 2024
August 10, 2022
Is My Child Ready for Kindergarten? Kindergarten Readiness Is Different Than You Think
E:
133
with
Susie Allison
Founder of Busy Toddler
February 20, 2024
August 3, 2022
Overcoming Postpartum Depression and Anxiety: Why Support Matters and How to Find Resources to Help
E:
132
with
Dr. Wendy Davis
Executive Director of PSI
February 20, 2024
July 27, 2022
Overcoming Working Mom Guilt: Why Moms Should Never Be Ashamed to Be Ambitious
E:
131
with
Lara Bazelon
Law Professor and Author