Happy as a Mother is now Momwell. Same mission and services, different look.
LEARN MORE
Happy as a Mother is now Momwell. Same mission and services, different look.
LEARN MORE

May 15, 2023

December 21, 2022

Advice for Moms with ADHD: Challenges, Solutions, and How to Find Your Own Path

E:
152
with
Dr. Sasha Hamdani
Psychiatrist

What You'll Learn

  • The Unique Challenges Moms with ADHD Face
  • Factors that Impact Our Capacity
  • The Internal Contradictions for Moms with ADHD
  • What to Do If You Feel Understimulated
  • How Moms with ADHD Can Practice Mindfulness and Self-care
  • Self-care for Moms with ADHD

Moms with ADHD take on additional struggles and labor, along with the typical mental load of motherhood. Our mental health affects our capacity and impacts the way we deal with stress. 

Today, I’m joined by psychiatrist Dr. Sasha Hamdani, founder of The Psych Doctor MD, to discuss how moms with ADHD can overcome their challenges and take care of themselves in the process. 

Discovering My ADHD

I always knew that there was something different about the way my brain worked. I felt wound up. I had trouble getting places on time. And noises and mess triggered me more than they did others around me. 

When I became a mom, those tendencies increased. But it wasn’t until my son was diagnosed with ADHD that I began to realize that I might have it as well. 

My ADHD diagnosis answered a lot of questions I had about myself. 

My ADHD diagnosis answered a lot of questions I had about myself. It showed me why I experienced certain challenges, why I just couldn’t ever seem to slow down and relax, and why it was so important for me to find my own ways to manage in motherhood. 

I stumbled across Dr. Sasha’s page before I knew I had ADHD—back when the TikTok algorithm was trying to tell me I did! I found a great deal of comfort and answers in her content. So I was excited to talk with her about the unique challenges moms with ADHD face. 

The Unique Challenges Moms with ADHD Face

Motherhood has a way of making symptoms of ADHD bigger and harder to deal with. Dr. Sasha pointed out that many people with ADHD learn early on in their lives how to mask or cope with their symptoms. But once you’re responsible for caring for children, it amplifies. 

It became even more difficult in the pandemic. Moms were now overwhelmingly carrying the added invisible load in the home, dealing with virtual school, child-care, and all of the changes the pandemic brought. Dr. Sasha said that many moms began recognizing that they might have ADHD during the pandemic. Others who had already been diagnosed also struggled with increased symptoms during that time. 

Even before the pandemic, however, moms with ADHD faced extra challenges. Dr. Sasha pointed out that the way ADHD presents itself is different for everyone. But one of the common struggles is difficulty with executive functioning—the functions required to get a goal completed. Moms with ADHD often find it hard to initiate or organize tasks.  

It’s also common to experience mood shifting and emotional dysregulation. This becomes very difficult when trying to keep yourself balanced and navigate the noise, mess, and chaos of motherhood. 

We want to model regulation and ideal behavior for our children. But it’s hard when we’re struggling with the same things ourselves. 

I remember early in motherhood grappling with folding and putting away the laundry. It became so paralyzing to me. I had to get curious as to why it was so hard. Ultimately, I realized that it wasn’t just about the laundry itself—it was about the invisible labor that went with it. I needed to change clothes over for the season, sort through sizes, organize dressers, and shop for clothes. 

This invisible load impacts all moms, but it becomes especially difficult when we’re also struggling with executive function. 

Factors that Impact Our Capacity

We all have a limited capacity to cope with stress and the world around us. Think about how you feel at the end of a day at work or at home with the kids. By the end of the day, you likely feel exhausted and more short-tempered—your capacity has been used up. 

Our capacity ebbs and flows depending on many things—including nutrition, sleep, and stress. But our mental health also plays a big role. Moms with ADHD often find themselves with a smaller capacity to stay in control of their emotions. 

It’s important to recognize that and check in with ourselves. Dr. Sasha pointed out that she has days where her brain is just not cooperating. She has to accept that on those days, nothing is going to get done. 

We need to be flexible with ourselves and understand that capacity shifts from day to day.

Sometimes we even make plans on a day when our capacity is good. We think we’ll be able to tackle the next day with ease. But then disrupted sleep might lead us to wake up feeling depleted. We need to be flexible with ourselves and understand that capacity shifts from day to day.  

Dr. Sasha pointed out that many moms experience shame around not being able to complete tasks or regulate emotions. That shame just leads to even more paralysis. 

Instead of slipping into the shame cycle, we have to give ourselves grace. Sometimes, our expectations are different from reality. Sometimes, we’re going to struggle. 

The Internal Contradictions for Moms with ADHD

Dr. Sasha believes that moms with ADHD are often facing internal contradictions. For her, the biggest one is that she sometimes feels like a child, still learning and doing work on herself, and yet she has to show up and be the leader for another person. It can be hard to wrap her head around both of those things. 

Another contradiction is that we might want spontaneity and change, but our brains might need routine and structure to function. This can be difficult for moms with ADHD during maternity leave, a time that can feel boring. 

We might want spontaneity and change, but our brains might need routine and structure to function.

Moms with ADHD might also find motherhood both understimulating and overstimulating at the same time. We have a lot of sensory inputs coming in, and yet there might not be a lot of opportunities to challenge ourselves in a healthy way. 

Dr. Sasha said that it’s hard to find the right amount of stimulation and the balance of routine and peace. 

What to Do If You Feel Understimulated

Feeling understimulated can be a very uncomfortable place for moms with ADHD. Dr. Sasha pointed out that ADHD is a low dopamine state. When we feel understimulated, our brains might not be using dopamine in the right way, at the right time. It doesn’t necessarily mean we aren’t making the right amount of dopamine—just that we aren’t using it efficiently. 

But she said that those low dopamine moments aren’t necessarily a bad thing. The alarm chemicals in our brain might be telling us we need stimulation, but the lack of stimulation might actually be the best thing for the household at that moment. 

Dr. Sasha recommended looking within during those moments to see what we can do to stimulate or challenge ourselves, whether that’s finding a creative outlet or exploring a new hobby. 

She said that it’s important to find ways to entertain ourselves so that we can be more present and engaging with our kids. We sometimes pressure ourselves to be “on” all the time. But if we aren’t stimulating our own brains and fulfilling our own needs, it’s harder to stay in the moment. 

How Moms with ADHD Can Practice Mindfulness

When we search for answers on how to be more present with our kids, many people talk about mindfulness. But Dr. Sasha pointed out that mindfulness doesn’t have to look one way. Moms with ADHD might find it difficult to practice meditation or do traditional mindfulness activities. 

However, the ultimate goal of mindfulness is grounding. Dr. Sasha pointed out that mindfulness isn’t a destination—it’s a practice we can slowly work on. 

Mindfulness isn’t a destination—it’s a practice we can slowly work on. 

If you find yourself in an overstimulated state and your mind is racing, take a step back—not to try to solve problems, but just to observe. Pay attention to what you are thinking about. As you note your thoughts without emotion, you are reinforcing a feedback loop in your brain that your thoughts don’t have to raise alarms. This allows you to take a breath and remain calm. 

Dr. Sasha also pointed out that it can be very difficult for moms with ADHD to remember to be mindful in triggering moments. If it’s a new skill, it likely isn’t in your arsenal of tools for those moments. 

She recommends practicing in calmer moments, such as before bed. The more that you do it, the better you will become at it. This will make it easier to remember in stressful moments. 

Mindfulness doesn’t have to look like “quieting” your brain. Dr. Sasha said she tried for years to force her brain to clear before she realized that would never work for her. Instead, mindfulness can happen in a variety of different ways, like looking at images, journaling, or neutrally monitoring your thoughts. You can find what works for you to become grounded. 

(For more tips on coping with sensory overload, check out our workshop, Managing Overstimulation in Motherhood). 

Self-care for Moms with ADHD

Just like mindfulness doesn’t have to look one specific way, self-care can come in a variety of forms. Moms face a lot of pressure to practice self-care. It sometimes becomes another to-do rather than a way to care for ourselves. 

If you find relaxing difficult and stressful, it doesn’t serve you to try to force yourself to practice “self-care” in the traditional sense. 

Sometimes, self-care is practicing non-judgemental curiosity about why we are responding in certain ways, or why our capacity is depleted. We might have to find practical workarounds for our lives based on what we discover. 

For example, I have come to learn that evenings are a very difficult time for me. So I have carved out my one-on-one time to be engaged with my children for weekend mornings rather than trying to shame and punish myself for that. 

The best self-care we can give ourselves is understanding how we work. 

Dr. Sasha said that the best self-care we can give ourselves is understanding how we work and carving out usable hacks that help us survive motherhood with ADHD. 

One of her self-care practices is having her favorite shirt in several different colors, so she knows she has a go-to outfit that will make her feel good and not trigger sensory struggles. 

The more curious you get about yourself, the more ways you can find to relieve pressure and find solutions that work for you and your brain. The biggest thing I have learned as a mom with ADHD is that I have to carve out my own path in motherhood—not the ideals that society has determined. 

If you’re struggling through motherhood, you don’t have to do it alone! Our mom therapists can help. Book a free 15 minute consult to assess your needs today!

NEWSLETTER

Subscribe to our newsletter and stay updated.
Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.
Tags:

Overstimulation

Stage:

Postpartum, Motherhood

Share Now:

OUR GUEST

Dr. Sasha Hamdani
Psychiatrist

Dr. Sasha Hamdani is a board-certified psychiatrist and ADHD clinical specialist. She completed medical school at University of Missouri–Kansas City and psychiatry residency training at University of Arizona Phoenix program and final year of training at Kansas University Medical Center. She currently has a thriving private practice in Kansas City. Dr. Hamdani also has a robust social media following on Instagram and TikTok (@thepsychdoctormd) where she breaks down stigmas and provides accessible information about mental health. Through a combination of her clinical expertise and media savvy, Dr. Hamdani utilizes social media as a tool to fill in the gaps and has launched efforts about mental health awareness through the White House. Her first book, Self-Care for People with ADHD will be released through Simon and Schuster this January and her ADHD management platform, Focus Genie will be launched early next year.

Erica Djossa
Erica Djossa
PMH-C | Founder of Momwell
Erica is the founder of Momwell, providing educational resources and virtual therapy for moms. She is a mom of three boys and a registered psychotherapist. Erica’s work has been featured in the Toronto Star, Breakfast Television, Scary Mommy, Medium, Pop Sugar, and Romper. how they want it.
RELATED ARTICLES
September 20, 2023
September 20, 2023
Managing Mom Anxiety: Why Millennial Moms Are So Anxious and How to Overcome Our Fears
E:
191
with
Dr. Lauren Cook
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
September 18, 2023
September 13, 2023
Embracing Power as Moms: Reshaping Dynamics In and Out of the Home
E:
190
with
Claire Shipman
NYT Bestselling Author
September 18, 2023
September 6, 2023
How to Raise Confident Kids: Breaking Cycles of Negative Self-Esteem
E:
189
with
Dr. Vanessa Lapointe
Founder of The North Star Developmental Clinic
September 18, 2023
August 23, 2023
Understanding Sensory Self-Care: How Overstimulated Moms Can Regulate and Regain Calm
E:
187
with
Holly Peretz
Pediatric Occupational Therapist
September 12, 2023
August 16, 2023
Navigating Matrescence: The Roller Coaster of Becoming a Mom
E:
186
with
Dr. Catherine Birndorf
Co-Founder and Medical Director of The Motherhood Center of New York
August 28, 2023
August 2, 2023
Establishing Family Values: How to Identify What Matters and Avoid Comparison
E:
184
with
Mell & Joe Hashey
Founders of Strong Family Co.
August 21, 2023
July 26, 2023
The Journey of a Bereaved Parent: Stefania Thomson’s Story of Navigating Grief and Loss
E:
183
with
Stefania Thomson
Bereavement and Grief Advocate
July 17, 2023
June 21, 2023
Myths About Toddler Behavior: How to Reclaim the "Terrible Twos"
E:
178
with
Dr. Cathryn Tobin
Pediatrician
May 15, 2023
April 19, 2023
Overcoming Grief as Our Children Age: The Value of Acceptance and How to Be More Present
E:
169
with
Bryana Kappadakunnel
Marriage & Family Therapist
April 24, 2023
March 29, 2023
Birth Trauma Part 2: Facing Pregnancy After a Traumatic Birth
E:
166
with
Kayleigh Summers
Clinical Social Worker
April 17, 2023
March 22, 2023
Birth Trauma Part 1: How Birth Trauma Impacts Our Family Decision Making
E:
165
with
Kayleigh Summers
Clinical Social Worker
April 10, 2023
March 15, 2023
Real Self-Care for Moms: Why Mindset Matters More Than Massages
E:
164
with
Dr. Pooja Lakshmin
Psychiatrist
March 28, 2023
February 8, 2023
Overcoming Mom Guilt: Rewriting the Motherhood Contract and Charting Your Own Path
E:
159
with
Libby Ward
Founder of Diary of an Honest Mom
May 15, 2023
January 11, 2023
Understanding Baby Temperament: How to Tune Into Your Child’s Natural Personality
E:
155
with
Dr. Cara Goodwin
Clinical Psychologist
May 15, 2023
December 28, 2022
Coping During Postpartum with No Family Support: When Reality Clashes with Expectations
E:
153
with
Emmalee Bierly and Jennifer Chaiken
Founders of ShrinkChicks
May 22, 2023
October 5, 2022
Protecting Maternal Sleep: The Relationship Between Sleep Deprivation and Postpartum Depression
E:
141
with
Dr. Nicole Leistikow
Reproductive Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist
May 22, 2023
September 28, 2022
Establishing Age-Appropriate Boundaries With Kids: How to Set Limits That Kids Want to Follow
E:
140
with
Tia Slightham
@parentingcoach on TikTok and Founder of Parenting Solutions
May 22, 2023
September 21, 2022
Encouraging Independent Play: Why Unstructured Play Matters and How to Foster It
E:
139
with
Susie Allison
Founder of Busy Toddler
July 3, 2023
September 7, 2022
How To Help a Child Regulate Their Emotions: Why Remembering the Good Matters
E:
137
with
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Founder of Good Inside
July 3, 2023
August 31, 2022
Why Does a Messy House Give Me Anxiety? How to Stress Less About Cleaning and Keep Your House Functioning
E:
136
with
KC Davis
@domesticblisters on TikTok and Founder of Struggle Care
July 3, 2023
August 17, 2022
How to Help a Child With School Anxiety: Easing Worries and Promoting Resilience
E:
134
with
Dr. Becky Kennedy
Founder of Good Inside
July 3, 2023
August 10, 2022
Is My Child Ready for Kindergarten? Kindergarten Readiness Is Different Than You Think
E:
133
with
Susie Allison
Founder of Busy Toddler
July 10, 2023
May 25, 2022
Navigating Tantrums and Meltdowns: Understanding Sensory Reactions and Supporting Neurodivergent Children
E:
122
with
Laura Petix
Pediatric Occupational Therapist
July 17, 2023
April 6, 2022
How to Get Kids to Stop Whining: Strategies for Communicating With Young Children
E:
115
with
Joanna Faber and Julie King
Authors
July 17, 2023
March 23, 2022
How to Get Your Kids to Listen: Tips for Managing Defiance in Young Children
E:
113
with
Joanna Faber and Julie King
Authors
July 18, 2023
February 23, 2022
Navigating After School Restraint Collapse: What Causes the Meltdowns and How You Can Help
E:
109
with
Dr. Kristyn Sommer, Ph.D.
Child Development Researcher
July 18, 2023
February 16, 2022
What is Matrescence? The Transition into Motherhood (And Why Being a New Mom is Hard)
E:
108
with
Dr. Katayune Kaeni
Perinatal Psychologist
July 18, 2023
February 2, 2022
Discover Your Personal Core Values
E:
106
with
Dr. Cassidy Freitas
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
August 21, 2023
January 26, 2022
When Mommy Rage Strikes: How to Prevent and Control the Anger
E:
105
with
Dr. Ashurina Ream
Founder of Psyched Mommy
August 21, 2023
January 5, 2022
Sleep Training Doesn't Have To Be Scary
E:
102
with
Dr. Aubrie DeBear
Founder of Baby Sleep Dr.
August 21, 2023
January 19, 2022
Carrying the Mental Load: How to Redistribute the Burden and Give Moms More Freedom
E:
104
with
Eve Rodsky
New York Times Bestselling Author
August 21, 2023
January 12, 2022
Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression: How to Spot the Signs So You Can Seek Support
E:
103
with
Dr. Kristina Deligiannidis
Reproductive Psychiatrist
August 21, 2023
December 29, 2021
Decluttering: The Secret of an Easy to Tidy Home
E:
101
with
Katy Wells
Declutter Expert
August 21, 2023
December 22, 2021
100th Episode: Erica’s Husband Tells All
E:
100
with
Frenel Djossa
August 21, 2023
December 15, 2021
The Pressure to Get It Right
E:
99
with
Dr. Jen Douglas
Psychologist
August 21, 2023
November 24, 2021
Overcoming Gender Disappointment
E:
96
with
Dr. Renée Miller
Clinical Psychologist
August 21, 2023
November 17, 2021
Adding a Sibling to Your Family
E:
95
with
Bryana Kappadakunnel
Family Therapist
August 21, 2023
November 10, 2021
Regulating Your Nervous System
E:
94
with
Dr. Quincee Gideon
Psychologist
August 21, 2023
October 13, 2021
Momming With ADHD
E:
90
with
Dr. Melissa Shepard
Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist
August 21, 2023
October 6, 2021
Supporting NICU Moms
E:
89
with
Kristin Reinhart
Registered Social Worker
August 21, 2023
September 22, 2021
Working As A Mother
E:
87
with
Dr. Courtney Tracy
Founder of The Truth Doctor
August 21, 2023
September 8, 2021
Caring for the Postpartum Brain
E:
85
with
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Neuroanatomist
August 21, 2023
August 25, 2021
Helping Our Kids Cope With Change
E:
83
with
Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart
Pediatric Psychologist
August 21, 2023
August 18, 2021
Is Breastfeeding Worth Our Mental Health?
E:
82
with
Johanna Phillips
Maternal Mental Health Specialist
August 21, 2023
August 11, 2021
Exploring Mommy Wine Culture
E:
81
with
Michelle Smith
Addictions Counselor
August 21, 2023
August 4, 2021
Kindergarten Readiness
E:
80
with
Cori Stern
Learning Specialist and Behaviour Analyst
August 21, 2023
July 28, 2021
When Treatment Becomes Trauma
E:
79
with
Dr. Quincee Gideon
Clinical Psychologist
August 21, 2023
July 21, 2021
PMS or Something More?
E:
78
with
Dr. Nichelle Haynes
Perinatal Psychiatrist
August 21, 2023
July 14, 2021
Modeling Consent in Parenthood
E:
77
with
Jess VanderWier
Psychotherapist
August 21, 2023
June 23, 2021
The Self-Compassionate Mother
E:
74
with
Dr. Kristin Neff
Associate Professor and Author
August 21, 2023
June 16, 2021
The Overstimulated Mommy
E:
73
with
Larissa Geleris
Occupational Therapist
August 21, 2023
June 9, 2021
Mom Brain
E:
72
with
Dr. Jodi Pawluski
Neuroscientist and Psychotherapist
August 21, 2023
June 2, 2021
OCD in Postpartum And Motherhood
E:
71
with
Jenna Overbaugh
Licensed Professional Counselor
August 21, 2023
May 26, 2021
Whole Brain Mommying
E:
70
with
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor
Neuroanatomist
August 21, 2023
May 19, 2021
The Perfect Mother Myth
E:
69
with
Dr. Sophie Brock
Sociologist
August 21, 2023
May 12, 2021
Understanding Secure Attachment
E:
68
with
Dr. Tanya Cotler
Clinical Psychologist
August 21, 2023
April 28, 2021
A Deeper Look into the Mother Wound
E:
66
with
Bethany Webster
Author